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Panting with terror from the dream, he turned the lamp on with shaking hands, seizing the picture beside it so that he could trace over the lines of her features with his fingertips.  It was the only thing that drove away the nightmares, as ashamed as he was of it.  He had never been one to have night terrors, even as a child, Ludwig had slept soundly with only the occasional dream, and rarely nightmares.  Now, he had nightmares every time he closed his eyes so that he slept little and was almost afraid of the dark.  And they were always the same, the recurring dream of that night the Allgemeine Schutzstaffel, men he had known and counted as friends, had broken into his apartment to seize her.  The twist that made the dream so horrifying was that she would rise and laugh with them, those black phantoms with red armbands, and they would congratulate each other on finding the real traitor: him.  And every single one of their faces was a blank, smooth expanse of skin over their skulls with only shadowed indentations where there should have been eyes.  Even her.  And he was terrified because she had no face, but also because he couldn’t remember the face she had had…

He blew out his breath, tracing her face and hair and figure in the picture with his trembling fingers, moisture welling in his eyes before he put the picture down and tried to stem the tears by burying his face in his pillows, nigh to stifling himself.  He strangled the sobs, ashamed that even now she had such a hold on him, ashamed that he still dreamed about her, ashamed that his greatest fear was forgetting her face.  He calmed, but still the rivulets flowed down his cheeks as he found himself remembering and reliving his last encounter with her.  If only he had been softer, kinder, more forgiving!  But he had not been any of those things, instead, he had tried to intimidate her, manhandled her, and she had shown not a trace of the deference and respect he had been accustomed to from her.  Instead, she had shown him her defiance and her pride, her utter fearlessness, and her last words to him had been so full of assurance.  At the time, he had thought her so misguided, but now he could only admire her adamant belief in her cause and now he was lost to his regret.

That was what his anger had faded to with time, to such deep, soul-burning regret that it was only the thought of leaving Gilbert with absolutely no one to lean on that kept Ludwig from attempting suicide.  He wished he had been less angry at the time, better able to see what needed to be done, to try to save her and tell her that despite it all, he still loved her.  But he had been blinded with his hurt at the betrayal; at the secret she had kept from him so well that he had never suspected her of anything.  And hadn’t she been right in the end?  The war was over, his country had fallen, and he didn’t know anymore whether he should take pride in the work he had done or not.

He dried his tears and got out of bed, bone-weary and wishing he could sleep, but afraid to try.  Instead, he left his room, checking the clock.  It was nearly five in the morning, but there was no point staying in bed.  He padded to the kitchen in his bare feet, turning on the lights and reaching for the recipe box.  It was the only thing he had kept from his pervious apartment, the only remainder of her besides the picture.  He sifted through the cards, looking for the cinnamon coffee cake recipe that had always been his favorite.  He deciphered her nearly illegible scrawl, gathering the ingredients slowly before he began measuring the wet and dry ingredients into separate bowls.

You remembered,” her voice said, as if she were standing just behind him.  He nodded in agreement; clinging desperately to the voice that he heard, but knew wasn’t really there.

Gently now,” she said, “Halve the wet ingredients.  You know how much you hate a messy kitchen.”  He followed her instructions, saying nothing.  He had learned that speaking to this specter of his mind dispersed the illusion, drove her voice away.  It was his private solace, his most shameful secret: that when he baked using her recipes, he could hear her voice as if she were still with him.

He had been unable to part with her box of recipes, of all things, when he had sold the apartment and all its contents.  His excuse was that her recipes were good, and he needed to feed himself and Gilbert if they were moving in together.  When Gilbert had nearly destroyed the kitchen trying to bake one of her cakes, Ludwig had disposed of the ruined attempt and made it himself.  Hearing her voice that first time had been terrifying: it was like she were a ghost summoned from his own personal hell.  But if she was a ghost, she was benign one, never threatening, never insulting.  She only offered him advice and only while he was baking.  The conflicting desire at first had been overwhelming.  He had wanted desperately to hear the voice that had faded from his memories, but was afraid and ashamed that he was hearing voices, and hers at that.  Now, it soothed as much as tracing over her picture.

Why a spoon, Ludwig?  You should really be using a fork,” she said, and he could hear the puzzlement knitting her brow, and a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth because he had used a spoon on purpose.  He found a dinner fork and began beating the last of the wet ingredients into the batter.  After he had poured the batter into a pan, he threw together the topping haphazardly, cinnamon, sugar, and nuts spilling across the counter.

You’re being messy on purpose,” she accused, and he held in his amusement while she grumbled, “I should have known.”  There was no real irritation in the voice; rather, it was a sigh of resignation tinged with the hint of a knowing smile.  He ignored it, wondering again if the voice was a hallucination.  The way it reacted to him suggested that it might be, but a ghost with its own consciousness would have too.

I’m fairly certain that this isn’t healthy,” she pointed out finally, her voice gentle, and he shrugged in response, not certain if it was really her or not, but not much caring either.

You don’t care, do you?” she queried, “I wash my hands of this nonsense.”  That was too funny to not laugh at because she was the nonsense.  The cake went in the oven.

Gilbert dragged himself in, still too sleepy to comment on Ludwig’s laughter.
Song: Suna No Oshiro

Germany's second Treason piece. Yes, he's a little unhinged. But just a little. In a harmless sort of way.

Prussia's Treason Part 1: [link]
Prussia's Treason Part 2: [link]

Germany's Treason Part 1: [link]
Germany's Treason Part 2: You are here.

Hetalia (c) Himaruya
You (c) You
Add a Comment:
 
:icontungstenblood:
tungstenblood Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2014
This is truly emotional and very well written, I'm legit crying, thank you for writing it ;-;
Reply
:iconyour-italian-lover:
Your-Italian-lover Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2014
I think I just died a little on the inside.
Reply
:iconalexa2509:
Alexa2509 Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2014  Student Digital Artist
It was really good, both treasons made me cry a little. Do at the end, Ludwig became delusional ,or just had hallucinations?
Reply
:icongamziimakara:
GamziiMakara Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2014  Professional Writer
You're a very talented writer.  I'm very emotional now, but thank you.
Reply
:iconajd3vil:
AjD3vil Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
TT~TT My feels!!! They hurt so good!

And I dont think thinking about committing suicide is harmless you missleading description you! *is shot*
Reply
:iconpintobean18:
pintobean18 Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2013
My feels!! I cried so much
Reply
:iconvalerienalley:
valerienalley Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013
OMG this is so saaaaaaaad, but so good........my feels they hurt.
Reply
:iconsuperqatargirl:
SuperQatarGirl Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My God! I cried at this! And I rarely ever do that! So saaaaaad! :cries:
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Here, have some tissues. :) :icontissuesplz:
Reply
:iconellarycelery123:
ellarycelery123 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aaaaannndddd there go my feels
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Pulling on the heartstrings. I don't do it often. Or at least, I try not to. Do you need some tissues? :icontissuesplz:
Reply
:iconellarycelery123:
ellarycelery123 Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
*accepts tissues* thank you *sniff*
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! ^^
Reply
:iconjosie1130:
josie1130 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
WHY ARE YOU SO AMAZING
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
...because I'm not? I just work hard! ^^
Reply
:iconjosie1130:
josie1130 Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nay! you are amazing!

and i love that you work hard XD
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are very kind. ^^

It takes effort to make something of quality! Always! Blood, sweat, and tears! XD
Reply
:iconjosie1130:
josie1130 Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Always!! *blood from peper cuts sweat from over thinking my story line and tears for when it finally works XD*
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hahaha. Exactly!
Reply
:iconfakek:
FakeK Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Manly (I'm a girl though) tears have been shed...
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's okay to have manly tears, even if you are a girl. XD
Reply
:iconpatty110692:
patty110692 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I fogrot to say how much I cried.. It had been such a long time since I last cried..
Thank you so much for that.. I really needed it :hug:
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Awww, I'm glad I was able to help! ^^
Reply
:iconpatty110692:
patty110692 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OH MY GOD!!
So sad, so awesome.. All my feels.. Oh my god..
Poor Ludwig, I wanna hug him so badly :(

I love your writing woman, never stop writing!!!
I am in love with your fanfics (especially the Germany ones :3)

Thanks so much for making them :D
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Your feeeeeeelssss. Give them to meeeeee. XD

I won't! ^^ More Germany will be on the way, sometime soon. ^^
Reply
:iconpatty110692:
patty110692 Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Adsadsgadas!! Can't wait!!! :iconahurrplz:
I have to prepare my ovaries for that!!!! :iconiggybrowsplz:
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hahahaha. You should!
Reply
:iconroronoa-d-riku:
Roronoa-D-Riku Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, so much emotion in two chapters. You my god person, should right some kind of novel and publish it. I guarantee you that I would buy it when it immediately comes out.
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hopefully I'll be able to be published sometime. I'll definitely make an announcement if I do! ^^
Reply
:iconimagination-junkie:
imagination-junkie Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
In some ways this is even sadder than Prussia's...:iconcryforeverplz:

You're far too good at writing their grief. And do both the stories take place in the same universe?
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It is sadder than Prussia's. For two reasons:

1) Gilbert found out about what his girl was doing and made the choice to turn her in. Ludwig had his girl literally snatched away in the middle of the night.

2) Gilbert's in a healthier place. He's acknowledged that his girl is gone. Ludwig just tried to block the whole thing out, but it isn't working, so he's kind of haunted by everything, hence why he hears voices.

Okay, so STORY CANON TIME:

The two girls were friends and had similar views on what Hitler was doing. They became connected with others who thought the same way and a conspiracy to assassinate the Führer was born. The girls were assigned to find out about guard patterns so that the group could determine the best plan to attempt the assassination (because that's basically was the Allgemeine SS did, guard Hitler). So, the girls insinuated themselves with Gilbert and Ludwig, officers in the Allgemeine SS, in order to get the information. Of course, the girls fell in love with their respective targets. Here's where we see the differences: Ludwig's girl loved him, but still put her mission first. Gilbert's girl was ready to sacrifice anything and everything for Gilbert and put him before the mission. Hence why she sells out everyone involved so that he doesn't get demoted. Ludwig isn't protected by that deal and his girl wouldn't do any such thing, so he gets interrogated too and does get a demotion. We know the rest of the story.

Yeah. So there ya go. The whole story, both sides, in short. lol. Did that make sense? I think it's a little convoluted.... :iconsweatdropplz:
Reply
:iconimagination-junkie:
imagination-junkie Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
Exactly. Poor Ludwig :iconcryforeverplz:

The story made perfect sense by the way. What a sad universe though, where they both lose the women they love. Fits with my overall impression of the war though, you know? Or any war really...:(
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ohhh, poor Ludwig... he really gets the short end of the stick from me in general, doesn't he? Werewolf, Prisoner, and now this... I think I need to be a little nicer to him...

But okay and yes! It's a very sad universe indeed. But they both lose because the girls are friends already and in the same plot. But yeah, that's what war entails... losing people who are loved. :(
Reply
:iconimagination-junkie:
imagination-junkie Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
Yea Ludwig does get knocked around a lot...But he's into that right? XD And you can always write him happier next time. Though I don't really mind. It's nice to see stuff on here that isn't completely sugar-coated (though I'm guilty of that as well XD).
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:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
bahahahaha. I always saw Ludwig as a seme, but hey, he could do uke... but I think he wants to be knocked around physically, not so much emotionally...

...actually him being uke would make way more sense. :iconwhutplz:

But yeah. I like sugar too, but I don't want to have to visit the dentist too often (though I can make some sacrifices for sugar-coated Ludwig).
Reply
:iconimagination-junkie:
imagination-junkie Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
Honestly...I've always kind of thought that he would prefer uke too XD I think that's part of what motivated me to write Make Him Beg the way I did. Besides isn't usually people who are dominate in real life that like it the other way in the bedroom?

Ah ha, I like the dentist joke XD And yes. Sacrifices will be happily made. Sugar coated Ludwig...yum. :icongermanywtfplz:
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, exactly! Normally dominant people usually prefer the opposite in bed, aka, being non-dominant.

...I'm not having fantasies about sugar-coated Ludwig. Mmmmm...

...btw, that icon is priceless. XD
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(1 Reply)
:iconscotty1609:
Scotty1609 Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Student General Artist
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....... I beong to :iconsexygermany4plz:
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Indeedy!
Reply
:iconhisokaishi:
HisokaIshi Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are amazing, the tone you have throughout the story is perfect. I love these Treason stories!
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, sadly, this was the last one! But I'm glad you loved them so much. ^^
Reply
:iconlupus-astra:
lupus-astra Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
...again. Heartbreak. This hurts.
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I swear, this is the last of these pieces. Going to go do something happy now... >.<
Reply
:iconfrecklelemonade:
FreckleLemonade Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh, Cardinal, you've done it again! My heart has been ripped out, squashed, and stitched back in and I LOVE it! Germany's come a little unglued and I just want to hug him...
There goes those heartstrings again... <3
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I warned you about those heartstrings. :heart:

Yes! He is just a little loose in the headscrews now, and it just makes him that much more loveable...
Reply
:iconfrecklelemonade:
FreckleLemonade Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I knooow, and I didn't listen! xD

It just makes you want to take him and try to piece him back together like a broken china doll. Even if he's left with some cracks, you still want to try and make him whole again. <3
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Don't worry, the next time around it'll be something sweeter and happier. ^^

I know, right? Ludwig was always the type to hide his hurts and brokenness, but when you can see it, you can't help but try to put him back together, build him back up and make him happy... Which is what makes the story so tragic. Because you're dead. *sigh* Truly, the concept is so sad...
Reply
:iconfrecklelemonade:
FreckleLemonade Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know! I hate being dead when there's a hot, sad, cuddle-needing Germany around! D:
Hahaha! But I really do love this and I can't wait for the next chapter!~ <3
Reply
:iconcardinaldesertfox:
CardinalDesertFox Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ah, I'm sorry to say this is the last of Treason. lol. Time for other, happier projects. ^^

But please, feel free to snuggle this: :iconsatisfieddoitsuplz:
Reply
:iconfrecklelemonade:
FreckleLemonade Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Oooh, okay! Well, I look forward to reading those then!~

*Blush* R-Really? :iconstarryeyesplz: Yey!~ *snuggles* <3
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